I was craving for your love and now you let me feel it. Now we were down to our parting kiss, how about a true love‘s kiss? I can’t visualize a love without you, how I wish forever was me and you. I love you and it will always be true. My only wish is to be with you.
I never thought love would be so rough like this. It’s a love where happily ever after never exist. It’s a love story where love never defines as forever. Love defines as never, tragic and miserable. It’s a love story and wish it won’t happen to you.
How about killing someone for love? I swear love can kill and I’m willing to do it for the one that I love.
Are you afraid of being imprison? I will be more afraid of seeing him in the arms of another. Yes, I’m obsessed because of him. I don’t want to be a murderer but he taught me how to be. I love you is the only thing that comes out on my lips before I totally lose myself.
I cried for the times that you almost forgot who I am in your life. I’ve been waiting for you, almost half of my life I spent it for you. I dedicate my whole life for you and you gave me nothing, nothing at all. I deserve you. We we’re meant for each other. And if not, no one deserves you except me.
Dying is the only thing that he deserves, if he doesn’t want to be with me. Then I will be with him, eternally. We will be forever together. He will remember nothing but my love. He will breathe nothing but my air. He will say nothing but my words. He will eat nothing but my sweet smile. He will see nothing but my beauty. I don’t put any love spell on him. He just died to be with me, to have eternal love.
I.
I belong to family with a very healthy thoughts and big heart, I’m so lucky to have them. My Dad is a business man; his time is very narrow so we bond rarely. But if he has a free time we spent it wisely and have fun. While my Mom is a very loving and caring mother, she’s the best mom in the world. I have a brother; older brother, we’re like best friends. We usually hang out together like party all night, go on shopping, and have lunch together something like that. I’m glad I have them. My world revolves around them, only to them. I cherish every moment that I spent with them because who knows, I might die sooner or later. Life is short so use it in a very positive way.
My life changed when I walked out from my comfort zone when I was in high school. I met my friends or should I call them best friends Kyla and Anne. Kyla is from a rich family, they have so many businesses around the country. She’s a neat person, very popular, generous and gorgeous. While Anne is simple but beautiful and mysterious, she also came from a family where money never becomes their problem. While me, I’m the most jolly and happy-go-lucky among the three of us. I’m not that pretty but I’m charismatic. We have a different personality that’s why we enjoyed each other’s company.
They are my best friends; we never talked about guys because we’re too young for that, we are focusing on our studies to have a good grade. Anne was the smartest among the three of us, I was the second and Kyla? She’s smart but she doesn’t work hard. We are the top three leading among the class. That’s why our parents are proud of us.
We used to have lunch together and after class we always go to a coffee shop to cool down there. We are happy with each other’s company. We laugh about random things, and share each other’s problems.
One strange night when I was sleeping I dreamt of a guy, a mysterious guy. Not that tall, not that handsome, clear chocolate skin, brown eyes and very tender lips.
The setting was on church, I’m the bride and he is my groom. I was going to say I do and then a crying lady walks in the aisle saying: “Stop this ceremony! I love him, he promise me that we will runaway and love each other, forever.” Then the guy run and hugs that lady. I was left alone in front of the crowd, crying as I watched them run away from me.
That dream was a nightmare. And I know it will never come true.
Good things slowly fading and bad things silently shading my life. I’ve been acting a little bit weird since that night happened. I’m starting to possess small things and I’m starting to doubt everything in my life. The thing that I doubt the most is “LOVE”. It is the most powerful yet the most doubtful thing in this earth. It is the most unspeakable language but the when someone experienced it they seem to understand it in the most difficult way.
I want to experience it. I want to have true love. So I look for love, I search for love.
One day I was walking in a lonely street way to our home when someone bumps me and drop off my things. He help me to pick up all my things and he gaze at me for the very long time, in that moment I feel something inside me. Something so strange that I’ve never felt in anyone before, is it what they called “Love at first sight”?
“Are you new here?” a voice of a man strikes me.
“No, I live here since then.”
“Well then it’s my first time to see you here.”
“Ah yeah, I don’t feel like staying up at this village.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have friends here.”
“As in none?” wondering he asks.
“Yes, none, I’m not that friendly.”
I feel so comfortable that moment talking to a stranger, I feels like I met him before or does our way collide?
He simply smiles at me and glance at my eyes. “May I know your name Miss?”
“I’m Juliet and you are?”
“I’m your Romeo. What a perfect match, isn’t it?”
I laugh innocently. “Is that true or it is a joke?”
With a serious face “Is not a joke, it’s a fact. Cool isn’t it?”
I just nod at him then I glance at my watch it was almost half-pass 12 noon. “I have to go.”
“That fast?”
“Yes!” Then I hurried up and walk away and someone grasp my hand. He was smiling at me.
“Till then,”
I grin a little and nod a little. “Till then,”
II.
At the Church we’re I stayed up long. I’m telling God a secret and share my agony in him. He’s the only one that can understand and can give solutions to my problems.
My tears roll down and someone from behind handed me a handkerchief. I look behind and it is so unexpected that it’s Romeo handing me a handkerchief.
“Tears are so special to me because it explains every word that cannot spit out within your lips.” And then he sat beside me.
I just stare at him with a dull eye without saying a thing.
“Just cry, don’t mind me. I won’t search for any explanation why your tears are rolling.” Wisdom he spoke.
And I still continue crying.
And another thought he says “Promise me that after this tears you will smile for the world.”
And then I spit out words “I will.”
He smile and then close his eyes.
I ask him “Are you praying?”
With his eyes close “Yes. And I’m thanking him because I found you.”
My heart skips a beat and then I found myself smiling and I also found my heart smiling at the same time. What’s this thing? It puzzled me. Is this really loved? Can someone give me a clue? Can someone uncover it for me?
He gazes at me like a star at the night sky that was shining so bright in dark moonlight.
It was the most wonderful gaze. And his almond colored eyes that sees my beauty in a very intelligent way. It feels so good.
He wipes my tears away and then I ask “What are you doing here anyway?”
“I will pray to God to see you again and then without any prayer he grants my wish. So cry no more my dear Juliet, you Romeo is here to save you.”
His words, oh it makes my heart beat so fast and took my breath away, His voice becomes my favorite sound. His face becomes my favorite view. Will he be my dear Romeo? Will he be the one that will give me the power to experience true love? Will he be the one?
“I’m speechless. Where on this earth you can get those words?” an innocent speech from me.
“It comes from within. And that’s the most beautiful speech I’ve ever spoken.”
I’m trying to avoid that kind of conversation because of my doubt for love.
“I have to go.”
“That fast again?”
“Yes, my father will look for me.”
He gives the kind of gaze that makes me crazy. “Till then,”
A smile a bit “Till then,”
III.
The excitement of seeing him again is unexplainable but I used to see him when I least expecting him.
I and my friends are hanging around the village then suddenly a very familiar voice spoke up.
“Hello Juliet.”
My heart skip a beat for a while it was his voice that I’m longing to hear.
“I knew it, so what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been looking for you since then.”
My friends were shock for they did not know who the guy I’m talking to is.
Anne uttered words “And who he is?”
I introduced him to my friends and they feel at ease at each other.
We talked a lot. Laugh a lot. It is the first time that I have that kind of fun, fun which is too awful for words, fun that cannot be replaced. I admit it, I do not want to end it but good things come to an end.
Anne went home too early. While Romeo wants me to stay.
“Don’t leave for I will be missing you.”
A very sweet voice of him gently echoes in my ears. “I won’t leave.”
He gently touches my face, my hair and then he uttered “Your face, it is innocent. Your hair is a soft as clouds. Your voice,” He stare away “Your voice is my favorite sound. I am longing for your voice, if only I could whisper in the breeze how much I am longing for you. I’m sure you’ll be deaf at this moment.”
There is something in him that my naked eyes could see and that is his heart and the purity of his soul.
“It’s my pleasure to be wished by you.”
“If only we can be together for a very long time. Could we spend time at each?”
With no second thoughts “Sure, we can.”
“Can we see each other very often?”
“Ah yeah, sure”
That exact moment I can feel my heart beating aloud, my delight is beyond words. It is somewhat intoxicating. I can’t for the next jiffy that we will share together. Is this really loved? I don’t know. It’s so uncertain that I will be in love with a stranger that will only emerge all of a sudden. But some says “Doubt the stars, doubt your existence, doubt the earth, doubt your sight and doubt everything apart from love.” Should I not doubt love? Or should I take the risk and fall for it?
“I must go, it’s getting late and my Dad won’t like it.”
“Oh I guess I’ll see you soon then.”
“Till then,”
Till then when our hearts will be yearning for each other.
IV.
It’s my birthday and my close friends and family will come at our house and rejoice my day there. At the middle of the party Kyla arrived with a guy holding her hand. A very familiar guy that is close to my heart, Romeo.
“Hi Kyla, I glad you came.” conceited look and uttered “And who is this guy, your boyfriend or just a mysterious guy stalking you for a very long time?”
Anne came by and gives me a puzzled look.
“Happy birthday sweetie, this is Romeo. My friend and we’ve been seeing each other since then.” Kyla voiced.
“Oh nice meeting you Romeo” Offer my hand for a shake.
“Nice meeting you too and happy birthday as well,” He looks like uncomfortable meeting me that moment.
Anne and I go far from them and talked.
“I beg you Anne, can you not speak for what is in the past. The Romeo and I thing, can you?”
Anne smile anxiously. “Yeah, sure”
That night, I can feel my heart infringement. I’m smiling but it’s close to tears and it’s my first time to feel it. First scar because of love, I knew it. I should doubt love in the first place. It’s not that good; it’s the worst feeling ever and I can’t burst out because Kyla is my friend and I can’t stand the fact that Romeo will fall apart if I will verbalize for the truth.
When I went outside our house, Romeo followed me and then we have the time to talk to each other.
“I’ve been looking for you.” He says.
“You’ve been looking for me and then you found Kyla?”
Tears are ready to fall anytime when he uttered a wrong word.
“I didn’t know.” Trying to beg me with his voice
“You didn’t know because you didn’t ask.” My eyes are getting wet with every word. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t be acting like this, how silly of me?”
He wipes my tears away “Sorry no more, it’s not even your fault. It’s me being inconsiderate. I’m sorry.”
I just nod with a piece of smile.
“Can you do me a favor?” he says “I like Kyla and I want her as my girl, can you help me with that?”
That’s the most painful favor that I will ever do. I can’t say no for I may not be near with him again. The only thing that I can keep around him is to help him.
“Sure.” With a phony smile on my face
V.
Days and nights passed away and I still love him with no uncertainties and full of pain, while they cherish each other’s love and gain. It is nothing but a shit of yesterday. It’s a suicidal act to be friends with the two of them and be their best friends and share each other’s pain. I think I’m mastering the art of suicide right next to them.
I hate to be with them but I love to be next to him. I love the fact that he consults each thing he will do every time that they have a big fight but I hate it when I really can feel his pain. Only if he chooses me, he will feel no pain, he will feel no loneliness and he will only feel my love. It’s bitter sweet but the best revenge is to be kind to them.
I never have given a chance to say those words that my heart desires to say. If I took the risk and don’t mind loosing it all just to say what I really feel about him. If and only if I have the guts to face the truth maybe right at this moment it wouldn’t be this hard.
I want him out of my life but I just simply can’t stand the fact that we will be no longer friends. And it’s awful that I’m just a friend, a friend that loves him in silence, where in my silence nobody else owns him but me. There is always be the unspeakable truth in all this unwise things that’s happening in my life.
I’m all alone in a coffee shop when someone from a far shouts my name.
“Juliet.”
A very familiar voice that my hearts quickly recognize the voice and I quickly look around to find him, I smile when I saw Romeo coming to sit beside me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I want some break. I’m stressed.”
“Why? You can tell, I’m free to listen.” A friendly offering to make him feel better.
“Nothing much, you alone?” as he drinks his coffee.
“Yes.”
“Would you mind if I’ll be with you?”
“Yes please.”
He sat down and starts to talk about his problems.
“Kyla’s attitude is perfectly indescribable; I’m really puzzled the way she acts on simple things.” Sighs “sometimes I don’t know what to do to make things go the way she want it to be. She can’t see that I’m not as perfect as she want me to be.”
I touch his hand and say “We girls are very indescribable; you must love her whole attitude so you can be happy at each other. Nobody’s perfect so don’t try so hard, you might lose yourself in the process of being perfect.”
“Juliet, you’re so nice. Why can’t Kyla be just like you? Anyway thanks for being there for me when I need a helping hand to comfort me.”
“Don’t bother; I’m always here for you whenever you need me.”
A wound in my heart aches again. Seeing him in agony kills me deep down inside. Only if I could take away those pains in his heart, I will do it for sure.
VI.
Months passed and I still desire to be loved by him. I pray it to God every day of my life.
And one day, that rainy random day when someone is knocking on our house it is Romeo.
I let him in our house. Probably they have a big fight again and no one he could turn to but me. I give him some tea and make him comfortable in our house. My family is not around, so it’s okay for him to stay. Our maids are on their day off.
“So what are you doing in front of our house in this kind of weather?”
“I want some to talk to and you’re the only who can understand me.”
“Sure, you can share your pain with me.”
A bunch of silence covered the whole house. He slowly forwards his face near to mine and then he suddenly kisses my lips. Kiss me until we cannot handle the pressure, he carry me towards my room while my lips is sealed with his lips. That rainy day when my family is out, we are all alone in my room. I gave him my virginity, we make love that moment. That moment when we don’t care about the world, we forgot about the friendship that we have and shares love to each other. He gently put it in and kisses me slowly in my lips, in my neck, in my chest. That moment when I can feel his love for me, it’s a pleasurable pain. But I’m still thankful that I gave it to the one I really love.
We fell asleep and when I open my eyes, his eyes are staring at my face. He gently touches my hair and kissed me once more. I close my eyes and feel that wonderful kiss.
“I love you.” He says.
I did not expect that he will say those words. “I love you too.”
“I’m sorry. This is so wrong. I’ve messed up with you. I’m sorry.” He rose from my bed and put off his clothes.
“No need for sorry. It’s our feelings that took us away.”
“I’m sorry but I thought you were…”
“You though that I am Kyla?”
“Yeah but… but…”
I’m still sitting in my bed with a bunch of tears.
“I’m sorry. I really love you, unexpectedly.” I sigh and pause. “But I’m willing to give up everything for this love to be special. For this moment to be cherish. I’m sorry I fell in love with you my dear friend ‘twas unexpected.”
He stares at me with a doubt in his eyes and he licked his lips before he says: “You know everything; I love your friend Kyla. How could you do that? Why’d you fell for me? Why?”
That’s the worst and the most agonizing words I’ve ever heard. And I can’t fight the tears that are coming or the moment of truth in my lies everything is like a movie.
“You want to know why? Because you’re simply amazing, your attitude it soothes me deep down inside. You have a high respect for girls and I love you that way. Your humble heart, it’s just simply perfect. You talked with sense and confidence, you have a good soul. That’s why.”
It feels like I’m going to die any moment while where talking, I’m afraid of what he will say or do. It burns my guts and it breaks my heart. I close my eyes and listen to whatever he will say. It might kill me but it’s better that way than to left it unsaid.
“Juliet listen to me very carefully and respect every words that you will hear, I love you as friend.”
“Bullsh*t! I hate it when you call me friend! It hurts.”
“Juliet, listen to me first. You know from the start that we’re friends and will end up as friends. Nothing more nothing less, do you get it?”
“What about those kisses and the love we made? I’d let you steal my virginity, what about that? Still a friendship thing?”
“I’m sorry for that, I don’t mean it.”
“You don’t mean to kiss me or even make love with me? So you’re saying that it was an honest mistake?”
I tried so hard to hold back the tears but I really can’t. It sucks that way. Silence deafening our ears.
“But I’m willing to fight for you, for my love, for our love. I deserve you more than Kyla do. I love you so much. One day you might regret everything that you have said and wish you’ve never told me that. Coz’ if one day you’ll wake up and find your heart that you’re missing me and you’ll start to wonder where I would be, just close your eyes and feel the beat for your heart and I will be right next to you.”
He closes his eyes and says “Enough!” pauses “I want this conversation over. I’m sorry.”
Then he walks away, away from me, away from my love. I can’t paint myself while crying in an abandoned room where he left me with a wounded heart. I found myself in a pathetic situation, how I wish I can wash all the pain and wish I’ve never felt it. But I simply can’t.
I promise myself that these following days I will unlearn you. I close my eyes and pray to God to scatter all the soreness that I’m suffering at this moment. This moment will bound into an end. An ending where I will the only one who will win you, I will promise that you will regret choosing her because of my passionate heart.
VII.
A week after that night, I’m still thinking about him. I starve myself to death for almost a week. I cry myself to sleep and worst thing that I did, I bleed myself to death. My brother found me in my room with a bloody wrist. They quickly confined me in a hospital.
In my third day in the hospital Anne, Kyla and Romeo visited me.
I don’t want to talk to them. I pleased them to leave the room and told them I’m okay.
Later that evening, when someone comes in I thought it was a nurse but false hope. It’s Romeo.
“Did I trigger you to do all those things?”
“Probably yes”
“So what am I supposed to do to make you feel better?”
I am completely insane about him. I removed my dextrose and come near to him. I kissed him.
“No one deserves you, only I.” I kissed him again. “Me or Kyla?”
“Juliet, stop! I love your friend, you knew that.” And tried so hard to push me away.
“I only know one thing, and that is I only deserve you.”
“Are you out of your mind? I love Kyla and that’s it.”
“I love you and you will love me forever.”
Romeo pushes me away from him, he was supposed to leave the room when I grabbed a scissor and wound it in his back. He lay on the floor with his blood. I kissed him over again. “I love you Romeo, you will be mine forever.”
He breathes no more. I trace his face with my bloody hand. I Kiss him and breathe for him. I hugged him with all my love for him.
“I love you Romeo.” And kiss him.
I slept beside him, with his bloody body. He holds my hands and I hold even tighter. We are complete secured in each other’s arms. I really love him and no one deserves him only I. I’d rather kill him than other’s will love him.
It’s just a proof that true love can kill. His dead body will be mine forever and I will cut it into little pieces and shower the night with his passionate heart, only then everyone will fall in love at night. His soul will always be in my heart. I love you and we will never be a part.
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